Dan McLaughlin

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To Home Page Latest Newsletter Column Archives Click to get these columns for your local paper	© 2006 Daniel J. McLaughlin The Gourmet Food Crisis Politicians and the mass media have been busy making us aware of all of the “crises” that have been wracking our nation for some time. There is one such crisis brewing that has not received much publicity, but is certainly worth a long, hard look. That is the Gourmet Food Crisis. We live in a free country and we all have the human right to a great gourmet meal prepared by the best chefs available using only the freshest produce and the latest technology. Everyday food just won’t do. However, in many areas of our great nation, an alarming number of people are being refused gourmet meals because they simply can’t afford to pay for it. It is a very complicated issue, but it appears that the answer lies in a few simple, straightforward steps. First of all, the government should spend many millions of dollars to study the situation. A problem of these proportions demands the spending of lots of taxpayer money and greatly expanding the number of government employees. Next, it is important to set up a complex system of food insurance. With the rising cost of gourmet food, more people will need to be insured against the shock of especially large tabs. Obviously, it will be necessary for the government to closely regulate the food insurance industry to be sure there are no abuses and premiums are kept in line. That regulation will guarantee that the food insurers would not restrict where and what the insured individuals eat, no matter how expensive. A centralized cartel should be instituted to “manage” the competition. Since the quality of gourmet food depends on having highly trained chefs, the initial priority of the cartel should be to license chefs so that only eminently qualified professionals will be able to prepare food. This cartel should be headed by licensed chefs who have only our best interests in mind. It is assumed that they wouldn’t succumb to the overwhelming temptation to advance their own interests at our expense by artificially restricting the supply of new chefs to sustain high wages for the members. If any restaurant or food store wants to participate in the market, it will have to be a low cost provider to the regional cartel. This will force them to keep their prices down and prevent greedy upscale restaurant and store owners from making such an obscene profit from something as basic as food. Some of the current, lower quality establishments will choose not to be a part of such a scheme, others will be forced out of business through bankruptcy, but that’s the price we have to pay for our rights. Gourmet food requires impeccable quality of ingredients. This requires a special government agency to do comprehensive, time consuming testing of all ingredients and menus before they are allowed to be used. It is understood that all of the testing and regulation will drastically increase the price of ingredients, stifle innovation and prevent satisfying customers with new and unique menus, but, hey, it’s for our own good. Now, I know what you are thinking. “If the businesses are forced to lower revenues, while costs increase to provide a standard product, won’t the quality of the food suffer?" Fortunately, that concern can be put to rest because the government regulations would require a higher level of quality and a lower cost to consumers. And most of us won’t mind going to Canada or Mexico if we really have a craving for good food. Of course, we wouldn’t have to worry about going to far away places if the government would just take over the responsibility for total administration of the entire gourmet food industry. A nationalized gourmet food industry would take care of all of the problems. Government can provide us with all of the gourmet food we want at no cost to anyone. It will be an amazing breakthrough when all of the complexity is dissolved and the wonder of government efficiency makes only the best food available to everybody and nobody has to pay anything. That is the magic of politics. If you want to make a real difference in this magnificent fight to protect our human rights, you can take action now. Contact your congressperson and voice your concern about this important issue. I am sure you can find him or her at lunch time eating down at Burger King.
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Daniel Mclaughlin Copyright © 2006 [Daniel McLaughlin]. All rights reserved. Revised: 03/18/08

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The Gourmet Food Crisis

Politicians and the mass media have been busy making us aware of all of the “crises” that have been wracking our nation for some time. There is one such crisis brewing that has not received much publicity, but is certainly worth a long, hard look. That is the Gourmet Food Crisis.

We live in a free country and we all have the human right to a great gourmet meal prepared by the best chefs available using only the freshest produce and the latest technology. Everyday food just won’t do. However, in many areas of our great nation, an alarming number of people are being refused gourmet meals because they simply can’t afford to pay for it. It is a very complicated issue, but it appears that the answer lies in a few simple, straightforward steps.

First of all, the government should spend many millions of dollars to study the situation. A problem of these proportions demands the spending of lots of taxpayer money and greatly expanding the number of government employees.

Next, it is important to set up a complex system of food insurance. With the rising cost of gourmet food, more people will need to be insured against the shock of especially large tabs. Obviously, it will be necessary for the government to closely regulate the food insurance industry to be sure there are no abuses and premiums are kept in line. That regulation will guarantee that the food insurers would not restrict where and what the insured individuals eat, no matter how expensive.

A centralized cartel should be instituted to “manage” the competition. Since the quality of gourmet food depends on having highly trained chefs, the initial priority of the cartel should be to license chefs so that only eminently qualified professionals will be able to prepare food. This cartel should be headed by licensed chefs who have only our best interests in mind. It is assumed that they wouldn’t succumb to the overwhelming temptation to advance their own interests at our expense by artificially restricting the supply of new chefs to sustain high wages for the members.

If any restaurant or food store wants to participate in the market, it will have to be a low cost provider to the regional cartel. This will force them to keep their prices down and prevent greedy upscale restaurant and store owners from making such an obscene profit from something as basic as food. Some of the current, lower quality establishments will choose not to be a part of such a scheme, others will be forced out of business through bankruptcy, but that’s the price we have to pay for our rights.

Gourmet food requires impeccable quality of ingredients. This requires a special government agency to do comprehensive, time consuming testing of all ingredients and menus before they are allowed to be used. It is understood that all of the testing and regulation will drastically increase the price of ingredients, stifle innovation and prevent satisfying customers with new and unique menus, but, hey, it’s for our own good.

Now, I know what you are thinking. “If the businesses are forced to lower revenues, while costs increase to provide a standard product, won’t the quality of the food suffer?" Fortunately, that concern can be put to rest because the government regulations would require a higher level of quality and a lower cost to consumers. And most of us won’t mind going to Canada or Mexico if we really have a craving for good food.

Of course, we wouldn’t have to worry about going to far away places if the government would just take over the responsibility for total administration of the entire gourmet food industry. A nationalized gourmet food industry would take care of all of the problems. Government can provide us with all of the gourmet food we want at no cost to anyone. It will be an amazing breakthrough when all of the complexity is dissolved and the wonder of government efficiency makes only the best food available to everybody and nobody has to pay anything. That is the magic of politics.

If you want to make a real difference in this magnificent fight to protect our human rights, you can take action now. Contact your congressperson and voice your concern about this important issue. I am sure you can find him or her at lunch time eating down at Burger King.

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